Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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