So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
