I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
