matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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