you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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