i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
