just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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