I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
