i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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