So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
