Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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