i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
And then he peed in my hair
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