If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
