the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
