Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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