If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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