i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
