I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
