I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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