my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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