If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
