After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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