Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
