a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
