seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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