I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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