I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
