He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
