Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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