Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
