I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
