Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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