i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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