If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We need to rekindle our bromance
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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