I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
