you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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