I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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