I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
