I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
