ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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