Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
