So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
