Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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