even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
did you just send me my own nude
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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