If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
