i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
