i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
