WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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