I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
