When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
