Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
