so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
