I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So squirting runs in the family.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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