So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
