i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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